It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
