That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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