In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
she peed on how many people?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
