I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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