Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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