I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
