I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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