The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
