dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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