Will you blow on my dice?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
