it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
