Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
