just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
This baby is an asshole
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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