yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
