I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
