Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
