When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
this boner is exhausting
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
