I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
