I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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