Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
