You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
