I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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