Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
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