it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Randomize
