No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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