Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
