She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize