I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
