I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
