dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
