I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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