I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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