youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
