ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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