I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
