by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
