I just pynch a tree in the face
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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