just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My balls are so social today.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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