Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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