I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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