Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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