he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
