Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
