The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
