I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
