i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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