I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
