hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
