Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
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