I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
