Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
