My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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