hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
