So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
do nipples grow back?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
