I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I said "one day" and that day is not today
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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