Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
