another moral hangover. fuck.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Randomize
