I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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