Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
only if we run a train.
done.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
