Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
