There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize