I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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