I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
