I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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