I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Randomize
