i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
