So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
it's like iHOP with fire
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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