When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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