I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
