Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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