He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
