I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
