i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
