You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
